Guilt… and the Death of a Pet
It’s been a little over 24 hours since I found Baby Kitty lying in the gutter after being hit by a car. And it is the hardest thing for me to do is sit and write, as I wonder where I failed. I can’t understand or accept the fact that she is gone. Seeing her in a state no pet parent should see their animal (I will not go into details), wrapping her up in a towel as I sat in the road crying, and carrying her to the car for her final trip to the vet. I experienced all this and it seems more like a horrible dream and I am going to wake up. But that is not happening.
But it seems as hard as we try, we can not control everything all the time.
I wonder if some of you are reading this and thinking, ‘how could she have let her cat out’ . Well to be honest, I thought the same thing a couple of months ago when a fellow blogger lost her pet. I kept thinking, ‘how can that have happened?’ I was confused at the time and felt bad. Now a couple of months later I understand. Sometimes with everything we do, we can’t do everything. Things happen and are completely out of our control. No matter how hard we try. This does not mean we are not great pet parents. We research time and time again the best foods for our dogs, cats, ferrets, fish and guinea pigs, we make sure their beds are comfy, give the latest and greatest toys and chews, and at times outfit them in warm coats and jammies. Yes we do everything we can to make sure they are well taken cared for.
But yet the guilt comes when a death comes so unexpectedly. Why didn’t I check for her after breakfast? Why was the side door left open? How could have she gotten out if the door wasn’t open? The whys come and they don’t stop. What could I have done differently? Why? Why did this have to happen? Where was I? What if …?
Being a pet parent, guardian, caretaker or what ever you like to be referred to as, there is one simple truth. Our pets will cross and wait for us at the other side of the rainbow bridge. But when the death is sudden or tragic our worlds are turned upside down. It’s not a fair situation when we have to go through something like this but it happens. It’s times like these to reach out to those around us for support, that may be found in your own house with family, friends, a great therapist or even wonderful friends on the internet. We may turn to Jesus, Buddha or Mohammad and find comfort in knowing that there is spiritual or religious guidance to help us gain strength to whether a time of sorrow.
Today I have learned a lot. I turned to my loved ones at home, my therapist and my wonderful fellow blogging friends. Piranah Banana taught me that even though there is an emptiness in my heart it may lead to another life being saved from a rescue, Carma Poodle let me know that this is the hardest for me because it is so unexpected, and from Jessica, Kimberly, Carol, Nailah and many more (sorry if I didn’t mention you, you are in my heart) that I am not alone with my attachment and bond for my “furkid”.
So how do I move on with this guilt in my heart? I have to tell myself everyday that I did the best I could. That with the life she had, I gave her the best I could. I must remember the good times and the joy she brought me.
Thank You Baby Kitty, Thank You for being there for me when I needed you most…
Riley and I will miss you terribly :'(
We would like to give a shout out to 2 Brown Dogs and Ruckus the Eskie for hosting This N That Thursday.
It is a rare death that does not turn a world upside down. Rarer still one that comes with out guilt. Twenty+ years old is still too soon. After years of an illness, you wonder what else you could have done.
We choose tears when we bring an animal into our lives, as so few have life expectancies to live beyond us.
Connie… that was beautiful. Thank you so much.
Christine, we are so deeply and terribly sorry for your loss of Baby Kitty. It has to be absolutely devastating for you. Please don’t beat yourself up with guilt though that is far easier said than done. You were and are the best mommy ever. We must believe that Baby Kitty had a Higher calling to look over other creatures around the world and was needed now. I absolutely love your header picture and being an owner of two Lhasa Apso’s for 15 years a long time ago the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with Shih Tzu’s. Stories like this do truly pull hard at my heart strings and I wish upon you peace and calm. All our pet love to you…Mike and Phoenix 🙂
Thank you Mike & Phoenix. Thank you so much for taking the time… it’s people like you and everyone else here that are helping my heart make a mend.
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I also think it’s so much harder when it’s unexpected, even though every pet loss seems unbearable. Please know that you’re a great pet mama and that the guilt is a normal part of the grieving process. There’s nothing you could’ve done… for whatever reason, I believe it was just her time. I went through the same feeling when I lost Cosmo to cancer a year ago. It seems it’s normal to question “what else could I have done” …. so many of us have gone through the same thing. In time, you’ll be able to focus on the good times and those images will be the ones you remember 🙂
Your pals,
DIane and Rocco
Diane @ To Dog With Love recently posted…FitDog Friday: Move Your Mutt Edition
Having lost a dog many years back by a hit and run I know the pain you are feeling. I felt guilty during this time as well and I still do, though my dog ran out of the door into the street while I was entering my house. I could have invested in an electric fence but I didn’t and I still feel guilty till this day that this had to happen to me. Today I am an owner of a beautiful pit bull named Phoenix and I try to blog about dogs and try to give something back to the community every day.
canin recently posted…Dog Food Without Corn, Sensitive Stomach Dog Food
I am learning that just because bad things happen, doesnt mean we are bad…. things happen. I am sorry this happened to you also.
You have experienced what so many pet owners fear, and I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through it. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for the pain you’re in. Even when we know a pet’s life is coming to a close, we aren’t ready to accept that emptiness. Your sweet kitty is in a better place now…where there’s no aging and no deterioration…and no cars. There’ll be a day for reunions. For now, I’m just so sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much Sandy…I know you are so right. I’m still in disbelief.
Thanks for linking up to TNT this week. I had no idea that you were going through such a tragic loss. Sending you lots of warmth and sympathy. This post is so touching and deep. Let me and my sapiens know if there is anything we can do to help you through this process.
Ruckus the Eskie recently posted…PSA: Give blood for all walks of life!
Thank you so much!! I’ll probably be heading up your way in a couple of weeks… I think I need some time at the beach with the Tzus
Believe it or not, we experience the same guilt and ask ourselves the same millions questions and run the same million other scenarios through our minds when the death is expected or imminent or even planned. I feel for you. I’ve lost so many fuzz babies in the years and, not having human children, they are my kids. It really is like losing a child. We are responsible for them and they are reliant on us. But, life and fate steps in and can be a real a-hole. No matter what anyone tells you, you’ll question everything for awhile. It’s natural and simply part of the grieving process.
I truly believe animals are a gift to this world and simply have a more pure innocent spirit about them inherently. They’re an amazing blessing in our lives that teach us so much about ourselves, our world, how to treat others and with how awesome they think we are, a bit of confidence too. We all serve our purpose on this planet and it sounds like your little one did a dang good job at fulfilling that purpose so quickly in life.
I assure you, she’s in a better place and holds nothing against you. Let yourself grieve, feel and mourn. Don’t let anyone disregard or demean what you’re going through in any way. Try and have some peace by looking through happy pictures and make a memorial or photo to honor her memory.
Wow… thank you so much. I am speechless with your words… they have touched me more than you know. I will soon make a memory album of her… again thank you so much.
It helps to focus on the good memories. I think the worst part in seeing anyone or anything you love die is the end. It’s nearly always the worst state they’ll ever be in. And for some reason, that image seems to hold so strong and so vivid in your mind compared to every other memory you have of them. It’s like an awful trick you brain makes every time. So, seeing the images of a happy, healthy loved one helps to overwhelm that last image and it seems to help heal. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m the only one who seems to have that focus issue. But, I can’t image after witnessing and going through what you have that seeing happy, healthy, whole images of your baby would do anything but good. Just don’t let yourself focus on the negative or the end, but celebrate what you guys shared. I know it doesn’t take the pain away, but it does help direct it in a healing direction
Maybe have a great memorial picture up for Christmas. It’ll be hard. I, myself lost 2 dogs this year. I’ve had both since they were about a year old. One was 19, the other 16 and I basically grew up with them. This will be my first Christmas with them gone and that’s really hard. My aunt is an artist and drew a picture of one them and the other is a beautiful urn. I’ve placed a little stocking on each to help remember they are with me in spirit this holiday season and I will not ever forget that.
Good luck and God Bless! If you ever want to talk or talk or vent or just share memories, you can always feel free to email me sam wallace 5 4 at hotmail dot com.
Thanks so much for joining TNT today. I am very sorry for your loss. Sometimes bad things just happen. Sometimes accidents happen. They make no sense. I hope in time you will be able to remember Baby Kitty and not feel guilty.
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Thank you so much… She is greatly missed.
If I am in such pain reading this, I can only imagine what you have to be going through. When I saw your post on Facebook I couldn’t believe it. Please do not beat yourself. Things happen and it by no means means that you weren’t a good kitty mama. I just can’t believe that the person didn’t stop and if they couldn’t stop, why they didn’t stop after they hit her. My heart just breaks for you. What a gorgeous cat……..if there is anything at all that I can do, I am here.
xoxo
Caren Gittleman recently posted…Winners! My Life With Snoopy by Joey Camen
Thank you so much Caren… I am coming to the realization that we can’t control cats. Ninja is running around, and my husband doesn’t want her to go outside… yet she is trying desperately to get outside and taste freedom. I know I can’t deny her her fun… I am thinking of making the catio a little more elaborate to make her feel as if she is going outside…. I think I might have a new project on the horizon.
You really did the best you could. She had a great life. Sometimes there’s just nothing we can do. (((HUGS)))
Flea recently posted…Healthy Dogs Have Healthy Joints
Thank you… it can be hard sometimes. I’ve lost 3 cats this year… two were old… but with BK its just making me feel so numb.
You are in our thoughts and pawyers-Bentley’s glowing from here.
Our kitty sibling is an indoor/outdoor cat and the other kitty went missing awhile back (we had two now we just have one) and we are afraid she got killed by coyotes. We felt awful, but we also felt bad confining the surviving kitty inside (because she absolutely loves to go out and explore, sit in the sunshine and watch the birds). Sometimes there are things that are out of your control.
Wags and kisses,
Bella, Terra, & Kronos
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I so understand… and here I have been worried about the raccoon in my backyard … I just never would have thought she would have ventured to the front yard… still don’t know how… I wish cats really did have 9 lives.
I am so sorry for you loss. You are 100% correct that you, or anyone else in a similar situation, are not a bad pet parent because of this! These things happen and are unforeseeable. I am so sorry for you and Riley.
Thank you … this is one of the hardest things to come to grips with.
So sorry to hear of your loss. I can understand your feelings of guilt, but focus on the positives, all the good things you brought to her life.
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Thanks SD…she was such a great gal. So loving to everyone